I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
