Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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