:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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