so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
