she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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