O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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