New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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