Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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