i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
