The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
