She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize