I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
