non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
