Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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