i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
