A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so let's talk penis.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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