Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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