just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
