How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
