tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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