you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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