i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
