I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
