Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
