My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
