Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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