she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
