Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
