Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
