Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He passed out mid-signature
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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