the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
