I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
whose ass print is on the piano?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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