my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
