My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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