Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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