Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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