stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
