I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
