Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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