Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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