Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize