So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
