i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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