your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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