Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
