It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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