If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
