I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Damn victory sex feels great
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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