He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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