this beer tastes like vomit already
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
