McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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