I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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