I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
