this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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