You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
