i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
