Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
