She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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