Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
