Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
