haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
