My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
