Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
