Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize