Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
