Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
