shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
