is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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