So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
