All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I need to stop coming to work sober
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So many bounce houses so little time
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
