On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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