Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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