The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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