If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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