please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
