I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
