Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
