I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
