i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize