so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
