Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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