Even the bartender felt bad for me
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize