Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
