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Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize