Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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