He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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