just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
4 words: hood of his car
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
