can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
