i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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