let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
