the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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